Hair Halp

I need someone to tell me how I can turn my poopy colored mess into the locks of Queen Drew.
Anyone??

I hate to be the girl that complains about her hair, I'm pretty lucky to have a thick head of hair. My biggest issue is its color. My hair is a mood ring, no joke. Every day a new shade. Blackish, brown, light brown, auburn, sometimes highlights, sometimes not.... I can't handle it anymore!
There's gotta be a cure. A cure on a budget please.